Sometimes you don’t disappear to be missed— YOU DISAPPEAR TO BREATHE..

 

So I’ve stepped into the silence.

Not to be missed, but to finally hear myself.

Not to retreat, but to remember what it means to exist without constantly proving it.

I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I know I can’t keep pretending I’ve already arrived.

I truly believed I was heading in the right direction. I followed the signs, the advice, the rules.

But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t arriving anywhere I was unraveling.

And now, the path behind me feels closed and there’s no going back to who I was.

So today, I choose to vanish for a moment.

To slip away from the people and the pieces of life that cling to me.

To disappear from the noise I once mistook for comfort, the chaos I invited in and called connection.

To step back from the constant pull of work, of family, of community, of friends each one asking more of me than I know how to give.

Because I am tired.

Not just the kind of tired sleep can fix but soul-worn, from fighting a quiet war no one sees.

The battle to be better, to do more, to feel a little less just to make it through the day.

Maybe one day, I’ll return as the Macky Benj with life burning bright behind his eyes, the one who saw light even in the darkest corners.

The Macky Benj who believed in silver linings, who laughed without a second thought,

who showed up fully, openly for everyone and everything.

The Macky Benj who didn’t just survive the day, but lived it.

Who found joy in the small things, who carried hope.

Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow.

But one day,

when the silence has finished its teaching,

when the weight I carry feels a little less sharp.

I’ll find my way back, I swear.

Not as I was, but as someone softer, wiser, and somehow still whole.